sentimental pessimist, frustrated optimist

i managed to avoid it all winter long and even thought i was in the clear soon as spring rolled in but it seems there's no escaping it altogether. the damn bug going around finally got me.

this week was meant to be the start of a new fitness routine, one that would see me back to my old sexy self again come summer, but rather than sweating it out at the gym, i've instead been doing that in my pjs, in bed.

it's been an exercise in perseverance and patience as i've found myself getting increasingly stressed and irritated with work, family, friends and even myself. being unwell brings both the sentimental pessimist in me as well as the frustrated optimist. guess which one is typing this post?

anyway, sorry. let's get this on track.

instead of an actual blog entry, here are some things that've been on my mind:

wicked. i went to see this with my friend anthony over the weekend. i liked it - and the more i think about it, the more i'm impressed by how ingenious and clever the writers were in weaving the story with that of the movie. in a film so loved as the wizard of oz, the wicked witch of the west has always been known as the evil character that tortured dorothy, the girl with the emerald slippers. this musical will make you believe otherwise. it made me think if the same narrative magic is applied to other films, how different would other celluloid antagonists seem? darth vader as a tortured soul with an inferiority complex searching for validation instead of the midichloarian-pumped megalomaniac that he was? cruella de vil, not the puppy killing sartorial witch but a misunderstood animal rights campaigner? or hal 9000 merely a computer software needing a much-delayed debug and update as opposed to the homicidal robot bent on killing mankind? but regardless of a thousand writers and a thousand rewrites, adam sandler will always be his most annoying self.

twitter. another one of those social networking sites that is so much more while being so much less. quite simply, twitter is the answer to that ubiquitous question, what are you doing? it's facebook status updates, friendster's shout-outs and multiply's bite-sized posts. but even in its most basic rudimentary capacity (updates are limited to 140 characters), it's an involving, powerful networking tool, allowing people to share stories, mundane observances and various points of interests. totally geeky, right? absolutely! but it's also damn addictive. check out my profile: www.twitter.com/ryan79star

two and a half men. i know, i know. it's completely lame, but i'm actually enjoying this tv show. it's risqué without being crude and it makes important socio-political comments regarding men. no, seriously! try it. the comedy series reminds me of a much-different but same ground-breaking show in the late 80s about four women in their golden years. you know the one.

ability. so lately, i've been having this crisis of faith regarding my ability as a blogger/columnist/writer. this was further exacerbated by some quite stinging comments i read recently from an article i contributed to one of the publications i write for. it's one of my favourite pieces and a story that has proven popular with those who've read it, but the commenter thought otherwise as i was accused of being stereotypical, unoriginal, uninteresting and self-indulgent. it's shaken me more than i'd care to admit. i've received negative feedback before - plenty from this blog - and you never quite get used to it to the point of being indifferent, but still, i'm surprised how much this one has dug in. i guess in some way the comments have echoed this irrational feelings i've been having of not being good enough, of being relevant. a good friend of mine asked me an interesting question when i told him about my concerns: as a writer, what do i want to write about? it took me a while to reply as i've never really given it much thought before. but my answer is this: i want to write about being someone, about being a son, being a brother, being gay. i want to write about being me. each of us have our own unique stories to tell and while this may seem interesting to ourselves and others, it won't be for all. the unfortunate part of it is that those people are as likely to be vocal with their opinions as the rest of the sympathisers are. i know this. i've been told this. i should have learnt this by now... but i guess it's a lesson i'm still grappling with.

ralph wiggum. and finally, i leave you with a pearl of wisdom that only ralph wiggum can deliver:

"my cat's breath smells like cat food."

indeed. signing off.